Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
