It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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