I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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