Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
