I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
should my penis look like a turkey
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
