exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
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You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
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You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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