I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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