32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i dont even know how to be here
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
