Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
