I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
