South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
