hell yes lets make some ravioli
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
