Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
