Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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