Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
