Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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