Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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