can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
