I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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