The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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