also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
