Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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