I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
