For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
