did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
