I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
