I can tuck mytits in my pants
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You are a genius and a whore.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
