Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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