How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize