I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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