My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Found the puke drawer
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
