so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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