Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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