I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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