picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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