belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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