I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
