1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
