he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
