Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
