I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
