why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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