My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
