I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
