I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
