omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
