We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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