OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
