There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
