im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
