White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
