My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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