the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I did not marry a roomba.
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