And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
