Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
