Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
