to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
