dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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