Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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