he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
