Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
