I think my vagina is haunted
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
