Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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