and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
