fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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