Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
