Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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