according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
