I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
