I CAN MOONWALK!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
