Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
how does that bad decision feel?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
