once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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