what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
