Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
