im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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