you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You're a disaster